Happiness Is Not Comparing

When I was in my early 20s, I sought eating disorder treatment for the first time and one of the things I struggled with most during that phase was comparisons.

My mind was consumed by a relentless loop of comparing myself to others.

I compared my grades, my accomplishments in school, my appearance, and definitely my body.

It made life feel like an endless competition and it robbed me of every ounce of joy I had in me.

No matter what I did or how hard I tried, someone else seemed to be doing better. And when that’s the mindset you have, life starts to feel unbearable.

It was during that first stint in treatment that I learned how not alone I was, and I started to hear phrases like “Comparison is the thief of joy” and “Comparing leads to despairing.”

Those words rang true for me then and 15 years later I still find myself returning to them.

You see, I’ve come to find that comparing yourself to others can become addictive.

It becomes an operating system in your mind, one that is constantly looking to place yourself into some kind of arbitrary hierarchy, determining how well you “measure up” against the competition.

When you think you’re doing better than someone else or have something you don’t, you’re winning and you feel good.

But when you’re falling behind and missing out, you’re in trouble.

The thing is though, Happiness doesn’t come from being on top; it comes from stepping out of this narrative altogether.

Living a joyful life (and I’m using happiness and joy as synonyms for the purpose of this series), comes from being at peace with who you are and what you have, even if you still want more for your future.

Lasting happiness doesn’t come from measuring sticks and timelines, it comes from a sense of trust that things are working out for you in the timeline that they’re meant to.

Happiness also means not comparing yourself to the vision you had for your life.

It means letting go of the expectation or the belief that things should have been different and then spending your energy mourning what was instead of accepting how it is and moving forward.

After all these years, I’ve come to believe that Happiness isn’t some magic fairy dust that some are blessed with and others aren’t: It’s a choice.

Happiness is a choice to let go of our ego’s desire to be the best and come out on top and just focus on what actually brings you a sense of fulfillment in the moment.

Happiness is not comparing your life to anyone else’s…no matter how much your brain tells you that you should.