Food is meant to be a source of nourishment and pleasure, but for so many women it has become a source of pain, punishment, and obsession.

As women, we're constantly bombarded with the message that fixing our bodies will fix our lives. If only we were thinner, smaller, more toned, or had a flatter stomach, THEN we'd feel good about ourselves.

We’ve been taught to see food as the enemy, as something to be feared, controlled, and manipulated. It’s something we shouldn’t trust ourselves with, something we need strict rules around.

But it’s a difficult and nuanced landscape we live in, particularly here in America.

On the one hand, we have an excess of cheap, highly processed, genetically-modified, chemically-laden foods and a country that is getting sicker every year.

But on the other hand, we have a smaller subset of the population who has taken healthy eating to such an extreme that they are damaging their health in another direction.

As a former eating disorder therapist, I often worked with women who had become either paralyzed around or extremely rigid with their relationship with food.

Neither one of these paths is the way to live.

It’s time that women reclaimed their relationship with food, nourishment, and their bodies. It’s time we move towards balance rather than extremes. And it’s time we focus on true, sustainable definitions of health rather than quick fixes and crash diets.

So if you’re ready to heal your relationship with food, here are some steps to get you started…

Step 1: Realize the Connection Between Food & Feelings

When you can’t sit with your food, what it really means is you can’t sit with your feelings.

If you struggle with any kind of disordered eating behavior such as:

Restricting/under-eating
Bingeing/over-eating
Purging in the form of laxatives, diuretics, exercise, or vomiting
Obsessively counting calories and macros
Getting anxious if you eat something you deem “unhealthy” or “impure”
Avoiding entire food groups
Etc.

Then this is something to really look at.

Emotions and food are intricately connected, and your relationship with food says a lot about the state of your emotional health.

If you have trouble nourishing yourself adequately, it’s important that you start to understand the emotional reasoning behind that.

(And if you want some help with this, I go into more detail in my 6 Things You Didn’t Know About Body Image Guide. You can check it out here.)

Step 2: Beware of "Healthy Living" Labels

Our culture often disguises disordered behaviors as "healthy living."

The rise of “clean eating,” wellness culture, and extreme elimination diets like keto, paleo, gluten-free, etc. have made it easy to slip into harmful patterns while thinking you're being healthy.

While I do think there is a time and place for these types of diets, for someone who is already struggling with food this way of eating is too restrictive and encourages deprivation, which damages both your body image and your health.

Remember, food is fuel but it can and should also be a source of pleasure. You should be able to enjoy the way you eat AND have it nourish your body.

And you should be able to have a sense of nuance and flexibility when needed without being controlled by arbitrary or extreme food rules.

In my world, it's not about restriction; it’s about balance. Be cautious of any content or messaging that promotes “all-or-nothing” thinking when it comes to food.

Step 3: Get Honest About What You’re Trying to Fix

You now know that if you can’t sit with your food it means you can’t sit with your feelings, but let’s take that one step further.

Whenever there’s a struggle with food, there are always stories behind that struggle.

So what’s the story you’ve been telling yourself about food?

What are you trying to fix or control?
What about your body or your life feels unacceptable?
What are you trying to avoid?

Food is often just a distraction from a bigger emotional issue, so let’s start working towards the real issue instead.

Start to ask yourself these questions and remember, there is no judgment here—just honesty.

Step 4: What Would Be Different If You Achieved Your Goal?

Often times, women who struggle with food also have some kind of aesthetic, body-related goal.

They hope that by eating a certain way or adhering to a certain diet or restricting their calories enough they’ll get the body they want AND THEN they could feel happier, more confident, loved, worthy, etc.

But what if achieving that goal doesn’t actually make you feel better?

What if you still end up feeling miserable?

Ask yourself: What would really change if you reached that goal? What emotional shift are you hoping for by achieving a certain appearance?

The important thing here is to understand that the feeling you’re chasing is not about food or body size or appearance—it’s about emotional healing.

And if you don’t do the work to heal your emotions, you’re always going to be chasing a “better body” that you think will solve all of your problems.

Step 5: Promises vs Reality

If you're struggling with disordered eating or a full-blown eating disorder, I know there's a voice in your head that makes promises—promises that if you follow its rules around food, fitness, or even your career, you’ll finally feel better in some way.

But those are empty promises.

Instead of feeling the way you want to feel, you’re met with constant anxiety and a never-ending chase to meet arbitrary standards that only leave you feeling worse. And this is no way to live.

An unhealthy relationship with food consumes your mind, time, and energy, causing anxiety over simple things like grocery shopping or the unexpected donut for your coworker’s birthday. It creates emotional and mental exhaustion that can damage your physical and mental wellbeing, not to mention your relationships, career, etc.

Take a hard look at the cost of living this way. How often has that disordered voice in your head promised something & not come through? Is it worth continuing to believe those lies? Is this really the life you want?

Step 6: Get Support for Disordered Eating

If you’re struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, professional help is crucial. Seek a team of experts—a Registered Dietitian, a licensed Therapist, and Primary Care Physician all with eating disorder experience—to guide you in changing harmful behaviors and improving your health. Eating disorders are serious and life-threatening. Don’t wait to reach out.

Final Thoughts:

You don’t need to fix your body to feel worthy. The first step toward healing is acknowledging the emotional work that needs to be done—and food is only a piece of the puzzle. Heal your relationship with food, and your body image will follow.

How to Heal Your Relationship With Food