When Happiness Isn’t Where You Thought It Was

I was raised to believe that happiness would be found in achievement, in the letters after my name, in the prestige of my résumé.

Imagine my surprise when those Ivy-colored halls failed to deliver.

I was taught that happiness would come in the form of success, that I would find it in the amount of figures in my paycheck.

Imagine the distress when my self-worth was dependent on a certain amount of zeroes.

They told me happiness could be found in the arms of a lover, a man, a special man. All I had to do was mold myself into what they said men want and then I’d be golden.

Imagine the disappointment when they failed me.

They told us happiness could be found in more.

More friends, more success, more letters after your name, more money, more followers, more attention.

More. Just more.

They never told us that the chase for more outside of ourselves is perpetuating an unquenchable thirst.

They never told us that once we get the thing we thought we wanted, there is always something after it.

They lied when they told us where to find happiness.

Happiness doesn’t come from more.

It doesn’t come from the chase or the catching.

It doesn’t come from putting things on pedestals and worshipping at their feet.

Happiness comes from a commitment to your soul.

It comes from a devotion to the deepest voice of truth within.

It comes from following your truth—that thing that you know that isn’t convenient to know because it will ask you to stop chasing all the things you’ve been chasing.

I learned the hard way that I much prefer the slow burn of happiness to the hits and highs of an ego bump.

I much prefer a life that feels true and real rather than impressive or envied.

I much prefer this brand of happiness than I do playing the game.